How Men Weaponize Incompetence (And How High-Value Women Can Respond)

We need to talk about one of the most subtle yet destructive dynamics in relationships: weaponized incompetence.

You know what I’m talking about. He “can’t find” things that are right in front of him. He does the laundry so poorly you end up redoing it. He claims he’s “just not good at planning dates” so you handle all the romantic heavy lifting. Somehow, you find yourself managing an adult man like he’s an oversized child.

Let me be clear: High-value men don’t pull this nonsense and high-value women don’t put up with it.

What Is Weaponized Incompetence?

Weaponized incompetence is when someone deliberately performs tasks poorly — or claims they can’t do them at all — so you’ll lower your expectations or just do it yourself. It’s a manipulative strategy that creates an uneven distribution of labor in relationships, with women typically carrying the heavier load.

It’s not always conscious. Many men have been socialized to believe domestic labor isn’t their domain. Conscious or not, the result is the same: you end up exhausted, resentful, and questioning your own standards.

In my marriage, this led to a dynamic that left me emotionally and physically exhausted. I didn’t trust that…