Why Chasing Him Backfires and What to Do Instead

There is nothing more off-putting to me than a woman chasing a man. I get it — you’re accomplished, loving, and have so much to offer. Waiting for a man to pursue you seems like a passive approach to dating, so you decide to take fate into your own hands and actively pursue the man that you are interested in.

Unfortunately, this will quite often be the kiss of death in your connection.

Let’s Get Real About Why You’re Chasing

First, let’s be honest about what’s happening when you’re in chase mode:

• You’re texting him first (again)
• You’re making excuses for his inconsistency
• You’re analyzing his behavior with your friends like it’s your second job
• You’re rearranging your schedule whenever he’s “suddenly free”
• You’re doing emotional gymnastics to justify his minimal effort

The Psychology Behind the Chase

Before we get into why chasing backfires, let’s understand what’s happening in both your brain and his when you’re in pursuit mode:

1. The scarcity principle: Psychologically, we value things that seem rare or hard to obtain. When you’re always available, you…